my first time going to school I don’t remember being scared I was one of the only students not crying. I remember finding my name at the desk and talking and coloring with my peers. At this point in my life I was already diagnosed with my type of blindness. I remember my teaching getting mad at me because I had on “sunglasses” that was a no no in class. So she had to call my mom and set up a meeting to discuss this issue. All the appropriate people attended and my mother showed up with several documents and signed doctors notes to explain to the school and my teacher my disability. I can remember sitting in the classroom listening to all these big words being read and getting glances from the nurse and principal. I was starting to fidget and sensed the conversation take on a aggressive tone. There was so many things being said by the school employees then my mom that I can’t remember all of it in its entirety. The one thing I will never forget from that day was what my teacher had said and I quote “I do not want this child in my class because someone like her will bring my class average down, I will have to dumb down my curriculum in order to accommodate her. How will I help my other students if all my time is on her making sure she understands. You really should just put her in special ed that’s were the disabled students belong the curriculum is more their speed there.” As you can imagine like any other parent my mom flipped out I was ushered out of the room but I remember the yelling I’m sure knowing my mom a punch was probably thrown. I have grown up hearing things like that my whole life even till this day. I just can’t imagine saying something like that to anyone let alone a child. Come to think of it my first bully was the very person who was supposed to help me while I was at school that’s laughable. It was right then that I understood no one would help me everyone just wanted to push the disabled in a room and have them color till it was time to go home. I knew there was nothing wrong with my brain I could learn just like my peers, so why was this teacher being so mean. I was driven to prove her wrong and I did. I switched classes the following day but I made sure that I was the smartest and I was my state testing scores always were the highest in my grade. I always had straight A’s I refused to miss a day of school. I can remember at our end of the year assembly coming home with so many certificates, ribbons, and trophies because of my test scores. I would like to think the teacher regretted her choice of words but I’ll never know. I never knew what happened to her after I left that school but it amazes me how a room full of people heard what she said and this lady’s still managed to keep her job, these days she would have been blacklisted from working with children. My question is why when people hear the word disabled a good portion of peoples thoughts go straight to mental disability?

To be continued

Growing up I was used to being different and it never really bothered me, then school happened. I grew up in a time where bullying wasn’t dealt with properly no one knew what to do. Instead of my bullies being punished at times it felt like I had done something bad that it was all my fault for being different. I felt like I deserved to be talked down to and pushed around because I was just a waste of a person that people like me didn’t deserve a voice or opinion. Now as an adult it’s just not true it’s the bullies who were afraid of anything that was different and being mean was just their own insecurity because I owned and embraced being disabled. They tried to tear me down because I was ok with who I am and the challenge I was born with. I’m not going to lie for a while they had me where they wanted me and it hurt. It took so many phone calls and meetings with the school and the whole run around until my voice was heard. I’d like to say the harassment stopped but sadly it didn’t. So I just took it into my own hands and stood up for myself. I never let their words hurt me and I never let them see me cry when I was pushed and tripped.  I went to a low income school and the way the students acted toward me just fueled the stereotype of poor,ignorant,small town people. Anyone who tried to succeed in that school was made fun of or hated and it’s just so sad. A lot of the students couldn’t even read past the 1st grade reading level. It got to the point where I felt bad for my bullies because I would look at them and see that their future was bleak. They would have children young and live in poverty and raise their children to be small minded people. The cycle will continue and seeing some of them now as adults I was right. The school I had left is just as bad as it was when I attended. The teachers just sit at their desks and pretend to teach. The people working in the office still gossiping and not attending to the students or parents seeking information. I even caught the principal napping at his desk. I wanted to believe things would change as I got older that furniture students wouldn’t relive what I did but it’s just not the case. For some schools the policy has changed and those employed do seem to care which thank god for that cuz as a parent a of mine fear is for my children to be bullied. My oldest does go to a great school and I am always asking questions and being involved. Yes I am that mom.

So in my previous post I mentioned that I am blind which is the way I was born. It took several visits to different doctors before I was actually diagnosed and that to me is crazy because I know blind people have been around since the dawn of time. I had to take several tests including one where wires were connected to my eyes and a bright light placed in front of my face, to top it all off I was told I wasn’t allowed to blink! For a young kid that’s hard to do especially since it was so uncomfortable. Now I’m not completely blind I have very little vision but only  in dark rooms and I always have to wear very strong prescription glasses that a tinted. Being outside for me is like having someone follow you around with a flashlight in your face even in stores it gets better but not by much. So as you can guess I hate summer and spring because I’m it’s so bright. I don’t let it stop me and I try to live my life like any “normal” person would. I don’t think I carry a chip on my shoulder or pity myself because of my disability but I will be honest some days I just want to cry. Growing up there was so many things I feel I missed out on but I just had to find a way to deal with everything. Even now as an adult it is hard and people are wrong the bullying never really goes away it just turns into backhanded compliments and people just”worrying” about you.